Between states

by Mary Ellen
(Alabama & NJ )

I’m 65 and retired 3 years ago from teaching special needs students after 23 years. I am comfortable financially.

My fiancé died unexpectedly 5 years ago and our plans to travel after retirement died with him. I moved from NJ to Alabama to be close to my son and two young grandchildren, but I also have a daughter and three grandchildren in NJ (one is a teenager I helped raise and the other two are 18 months and 4 months old)

I visit NJ 3 times a year for 4-6 weeks at a time. It’s great to be able to shuttle between states but I have very little to do here in Alabama other than hang out with my son’s dogs when he and his wife are at work and my grandchildren are in daycare. I love to be with them-dogs bring me a lot of joy. Traveling between states makes owning one impractical.

In NJ, I have friends I see occasionally but I prefer living near my son in Alabama. My daughter’s household is very chaotic and stresses me after awhile.

I’m comfortable with people but I’m super introverted and have little desire to join anything other than volunteer once in awhile. I wish I had more engagement with life but I can’t seem to care enough to go get it. I just know I could be happier. ,

Comments for Between states

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How you can help in the animal world
by: Elna Nugent , Mass.

Dear Mary Ellen,

I realize Alabama is a big state but every state has
Animal Humane Societies operating in it.

If there is one near where you live, or something similar, you could join it and see if there is a way you can help with the animals in that shelter.

People like you are a godsend in places like that, because animals tend to feel comfortable with people who like them. ... believe me they can sense the people who appreciate them.

This is something you could possibly consider looking into.
Many Blessings.
Be Friendly
by: Ike - midwest

It sounds like you've lost some of your focus... I think it happens to lots of us as we retire.

I also am 3 years out post retirement and am finally just beginning to settle and enjoy it. As suggested previously.. it's important to find something you enjoy and push to make contact with people. Friends are where you find them.. mixed into our day to day dips into daily activities.

All we have to do is make ourselves available for friendship.
Move sounds good...
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

Some retirees are very UNhappy after a move. They know nobody, family is too busy for them, but you sound like you've grown to enjoy life after your move... good for you!

NOW -- take the next step!

If you enjoy animals, why not volunteer at the local shelter? It could be so rewarding to play with the dogs there, take them for walks, give them much needed love.

Mostly, little by little, meet a few new local people. Who knows, maybe one will become a friend! It's easy to talk when you LOVE the topic... I can talk about retirement like an extrovert, but small chit chat and weather talk, forget it! :) So people talking Dogs might be the perfect place to get in some chit chat!

If that is too difficult (it would be for me), how about being a dog walker for working couples? Earn a few dollars to treat yourself and enjoy a few more dogs?

Introverts... I am one. I get it. But you still need a friend or two. Library book club? Or just hang out a bit at the library, coffee shop, and do some people watching., Maybe you'll see one gal alone several times?

Actively pursue some interest. There is a TED talk about How to Live to 100 -- its not diet or exercise, etc, its about people and engaging in life.

You can do this!

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