Marriage in Retirement
What does Marriage in Retirement mean to you?
Psst! Don't miss all the Retiree Stories at the bottom of the page!
Have you talked to your spouse/significant other and discussed your marriage later in life?
Have you discussed the many retirement possibilities, activities, and options all linked to retirement and being together 24/7?
- Do you agree on what you'll do daily?
- Do you agree on travel?
- Is the definition of retirement the same for both of you?
- Where will you live?
OK, if you are like most of us married folks, you've been married for 10, 20, 30 years and you both go your own ways, daily, to work. If you are the stay at home wife, you still have all day, alone, while he is away at work. Suddenly retirement hits, and BAM, togetherness 24/7. Yikes!
The books on this page are all geared towards retirement and marriage or divorce. I like that they are specifically written for time time in our lives.
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Marriage, post-retirement, isn't always easy!
Marriage in Retirement isn't always an easy road and actually needs some thought. Yes, many folks are married and happily retired, but it does take some "give and take" from both of them.
If you were happy together before retirement, you likely will remain happy together... assuming you both have the same ideas for retired life.
However, if the weekends seem rather long to you, but you are OK because there is a return to work on Mondays, just wait until you are both together 24/7!
When married and retired, normal life on a daily basis changes and you must cope with adjustment. Retirement changes life loads, and the relationship with your spouse, your daily choices are all "new", even after years of marriage.
Depending on your marriage in retirement, any or all of the following could happen (and lots more):
- The newly retired partner could become depressed (and it take it out on their spouse).
- A spouse who has been a manager at work for years, suddenly starts ordering their spouse about (not meaning to be authoritative, but simply following suit from years of work life).
- He is ready to move to Florida, she wants to stay as is with grandchildren nearby.
- You might both disagree on daily chores, what to do daily, or where to go, or she suddenly vacuums when he is ready for his new daily nap.. Brrrrroooom! Heck, he might start to supervise your cleaning routine and grocery shopping. Yikes!
Just being aware of the life changes, when retirement happens, makes all the difference!
Even if your partner is unaware, you can be thinking about retirement options, knowing you are both evolving through a huge lifestyle change.
GRIEVE the loss of employment. Just allow yourself and your spouse some down time to think about who they'll transition into. Help them through this depressed state with support and understanding as they renew and find themselves, again.
SUPPORT each other through this time. Talk about what you'd like to do in retirement. Do you both have the same thoughts on retirement or are you different (he thinks retirement means a hammock in the back yard on hot summer days, and she thinks computer classes would be wonderful to keep the brain thinking!)
TALK about your marriage in retirement - why not? It's a huge step in your lives -- so take the time to discuss what you'd both like to do in retirement.
FRIENDS are also necessary. You might need to reconnect with old friends or find new friends. It could be a simple card game with neighbors on a regular basis. Dinner out with friends. Church events for some socializing with like souls.
Accept that you'll both also go your own ways sometimes. He plays cards or golfs with his buddies and she might go shopping with a friend. In retirement, just like in pre-retirement lives, you don't have to be shackled together.
Just TALK about it -- and give each other some privacy -- there is a healthy balance to the privacy vs. togetherness dance. You've just got to work a bit to find yours.
HOUSEHOLD DUTIES can be shared. Oddly enough, simple household chores can give you both satisfaction. If you have been the housekeeper for years, share some of your daily duties with him.
Let him help -- even if it isn't quite up to your standard. This provides you with some time away from the house, time to pursue your hobbies, or simply allows you to do the chores quicker so that you both have some pleasurable time when the housework is done.
A few ideas here:
- Talk about your marriage before retirement. It's a huge change in your lives and you need to discuss (not merely assume) what you'll do... where will you live, what will you do on a daily basis, which household chores are you both ready to do, will you vacation away for long periods of time?
- Consider "dating" again. It might give new spice to an old marriage... you are retired, time is on your side, consider day trips and fun things that the two of you can do together.
- What habits do you or your partner have that you might need to think about before you retire?
- If one of you retires first, is that person ready for the partner to join their daily activities?
- After retirement, with more time on our hands, why not look up old disconnected friends you believe would be a good friend now -- and have dinner together. It's a great thing for both of you, get out, share some chit chat and generally socialize (the stuff you miss from work).
Help and support each other. If your partner gets depressed at retirement, help them through it.
Talk about retirement, where you plan to go in retirement, what you'd like to do, discuss your thoughts and share them with your spouse.
Must we talk Divorce?
Some folks actually divorce this late in life... retirement doesn't help an already shaky marriage. Don't let this happen to you (unless THAT action assures your retirement is happier). You have to work through the lifestyle and relationship changes with your partner.
Retirement affects nearly every aspect of your life, either positively or negatively, and its YOU who will determine how this part of your retirement goes.
If you take the time to work your marriage relationship as part of the retirement adventure, your marriage will gain strength as you enjoy retirement life! Together...
Marriage sometimes just doesn't work out... divorce at retirement sometimes happens... now what?
Let's Discuss how Retirement Affected Your Marriage... Good or Bad
Share your marriage/retirement experiences with visitors!
Read about what other Visitors have to Say...
Click below to see contributions from other visitors on How Marriage and Retirement worked out...
Husband Retired, You are Not Alone
Same situation here. My husband retired a year ago.
All he does is going to bed at night whenever he wants and get up at almost noon. Sits in the couch, …
Husband doesn't leave the house
I am fortunate that I have a rental apt in the back-and stopped renting it after my husband retired. I make him go back there during the day, because I …
Good things happening in life (decluttering)
This year I have been working hard on keeping my immediate thoughts to myself and find ways to meet in the middle with my husband of 52 years.
We are …
My husband is driving me crazy... it's not easy
It has been 6 years since my husband has retired and I am thinking of the "Together apart" lifestyle. It is a real thing and more common in Europe.
…
Lazy retired husband
My husband retired on May 31 after shoulder surgery and rehab.
We discussed retirement and if he had a " plan". I work part time so I can remain active …
Continuous feedback
Hello. I am noticing that my retired husband is putting in his two cents worth too often. He listens to my phone conversations and forms an opinion based …
Retired alone but now separated from husband...
I wrote back in December about my crazy husband having to have a girlfriend who is married to another. She is 47 years old but wow she has taken my husband …
Such a good marriage and close to retirement till he....
I know marriage takes two people that is two people working darn hard to keep it together. Because at the start it was love that kept it going, but soon …
My Wife: Accepting What Is
(Wendy's title, not his...)
My wife and I are in our 70s.
Sometimes I have to remind our kids that we’re slow and old!
I have more energy and …
Depression mainly caused by husband
So after losing my dear mum i got very low. Was actually low before losing her but not like this, now felt ill, knew it was full blown depression.
…
It’s getting worse (lazy husband)
My husband got a large payout at age 53 and quit his job on the spot. He is home all day everyday. He goes to town to get the mail and is back in 30 minutes. …
I'm living it too -- long term marriage, not a great retirement
My husband became permanently disabled at 42. I continued working until a forced retirement at age 57 when my company left the state.
While I was working …
Husband retired at 52 i knew it was going to be bad
Husband was a fireman for 30 years, they retire after 30 years, he was only 52.
I knew it was going to be bad news for me, left to his own resources …
Lazy husband reply.
Ditto to lazy husband letters. My story is the same basically. But for the majority of his life and now is irresponsibility.
In addition to being …
Request for quiet house, alone time
Ok, read all the comments on other pages for husband problems, My only complaint after six years of my husband’s retirement is he never leaves the house. …
Upset with Retired Husband
I hate my husband being retired. I retired at 67, him at 58. We had lived apart working in different places visiting every 10 days.
I’m beginning to …
Reality
After reading many postings, it seems that the majority of married men cannot adjust to retirement. And they do psychological damage to their marriages …
Sedentary Husband
I see I'm not the only one here with this issue. My husband is an airline pilot and has been sitting at home for 11 months now because of COVID getting …
2nd Marriage/difficult move
My daughter and I are very close and have gone through a lot together. We've been each other's rocks.
My new hubby-to-be does not have the same relationship …
Retired husband driving me crazy
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My Early Retirement is Great, but Hubby’s Bored
I think men have a tougher time with retirement.
My husband and I are both retired military and both have pensions and high passive income from our …
Husband Retired
My husband retired early this past March of 2020. Since then he's, been terrible to live with.
He said we'd spend more time together. Yeah, right! …
Not so happy... husband forced into retirement.
My husband was forced into retirement 4 yrs ago. And when he called me at home to tell me. I went into a full-blown panic attack.
He actually retired …
Retired from life (husband is alcoholic)
Wow, looks like I have some company.
My husband decided to retire about 5 years ago at the age of 54. Yep, you got that right - and no he couldn't …
Disaster
Hello, anyone else have a retired husband who isn't "handy"?
Here's a good one: a week before we were heading south for the winter, he decided to …
Husband won't help
I basically took care of my son for many years, and was happy, but since he died in 2012, I have lost my purpose, am home alot disabled, don't go anywhere, …
Swimming in Mud (husband retired)
Husband retired at 78. I encouraged this.
I still work at two part-time jobs that I love. He resents my friend, my job, the fact that he does more …
I hate being retired, now that husband retired
I retired at 64 yrs of age, in 2018.
Got to enjoy it for a year and a half, until my husband retired. Now it is pretty hellish. He wants to sit in …
Husband is Inactive
My husband retired 11 years ago and at first, was pretty active with various hobbies and such. He is 73 and I'm 69.
Fast forward to present.. now he …
Grumpy, Frumpy, and Dumpy
Hitting the skids with a hubby who just doesn't have any energy, creativity, or need to maintain his moods.
If you are experiencing these same issues, …
I Need Help
My husband retired a year ago. I work from home & have a part-time job. I am very busy and I think he is jealous of me. He also worries about not having …
It’s a Rocky Boat
My husband retired a couple years before me. He actually took a buyout. His health was going down hill so retirement was a logical step for him. He loves …
Retirement is double edged sword!
We've been married 34 years. For the first ten he was an alcoholic and couldn't hold a job because of his big ego and stubborn disposition. We have no …
Retired Recently
My husband who isn't even 65 yet retired a few months ago. He never has helped me much with housework, cooking, grocery shopping, etc. He felt he was the …
Help! He’s miserable & making me miserable!
My husband- always has been an easy-going guy.
Married me & took on 3 kids, raised them & now an awesome grandpa to 5. He’s been a long-distance truck …
My Life with a Man who is lost in Retirement
My husband retired and has had alot of health problems.
The Dr. told him to quit smoking and cut way down on drinking alcohol. He hasn't taken the …
My wife is stuck in a mental hole. Need ideas.
My wife of ~50 yrs very depressed & anxious (as diagnosed) last 5, her first retirement years.
“Losses” hit her hard: 2 family deaths, her retirement …
Retired Husband, Married 56 Years Now
I retired 21 years ago -- actually, became ill and had to take a medical disability.
Until I got sick, I was going to be the oldest teacher in my …
Hubby retired
My husband recently retired after working since he was 16. He is now 63. I can understand how he was tired of working and had to quit but it is really …
Cross Road; Turn Left From Divorce To Adventure!
I needed a Big change and Alaska was it!
Divorcing after 33 yrs.
A chain of events led me to where I am now and even though the road was not smooth, …
Retired Husband wants constant sex
My husband has decided that we should have sex every day and sometimes more than once. He is 74 and I am 68.
We have been together for 36 years and …
Same as others, Husband issues
I retired 6 years ago, I'm a young 70 and my husband retired almost 20 years ago, he's 76.
We did not meet until 15 years ago and have separated 3 …
Inert husband
My husband retired 2 years ago, After a short time when he seemed to show interest in a few hobbies: golf , woodturning, walking.
He has now become …
I want my husband to work PT in order for us to have extras is that being selfish
My husband retired 6 months ago which is great.
I would like him to take a job in order for us to take vacations, get out of debt earlier.
I work …
Retired: I Can't Be His Only Friend
My husband retired and he is so bored he wants me to be the only one he talks to. The same time he retired he dropped his friend of three years and doesn’t …
Marriage
I could use some input: husband is overly-focused on finances. We are fine, but he seems obsessed with it.
Another thing, is his unwillingness to …
Husband is ruining his health... and mine!
Husband was forceably retired 2.5 years ago after 42 years with the same company. He is sitting around and gaining weight. He is now prediabetic and takes …
Differences are too broad
I expected post-retirement to be able to travel and see the country. He just wants to piddle around our house and land, spending a lot of time on his own …
Only fools and horses work
After working for 37 years, I decided 6 months ago that life really was too short (my friend and colleague passed away, after working with him for 35 years. …
Retired Husband
My husband retired 6 months ago, I retired 2 years ago and figured myself out, painfully made a few friends and hobbies.
He’s now very happy to tag …
He Retired! Oh No! What Now?
I have lived with a somewhat selfish man for almost 14 YEARS --NOW WHAT -he retired!!! and he is BORED often if not on the golf course.
During our …
Husband is Retired & Has Cancer Too !
Ok I need to vent or I am going to burst!
My Husband retired a little over a year and he has prostate cancer. We are both in our 60's.
I thank …
Nervous about retirement
I feel somewhat better that I'm not alone. I'm still working and my husband retired 4 years ago. I plan to retire in about 5 years (5-year age difference). …
I think my husband needs help
I've been retired for over 11 years, and my husband, age 79, just "semi" retired 6 months ago.
I have developed an interest in many activities, including …
Marriage hell
Everything was fine...until he was forceably retired.
Now he acts like a child having a temper tantrum in a corner. I just want to shake him. He …
Not adjusting to Unmotivated Husband
Hello to all-
My husband and I are retired. It's been a real rollercoaster. While it's been nice having time to travel, when we're not, he seems lost. …
Husband Retired: Heading for nervous breakdown
I've been retired for over 10 years and have gotten used to having my days to myself.
My husband is newly retired and is making me nuts wanting to …
HELP! Resenting Retired Husband
Well, my hubby has been retired for 6 years from the military. He has been working a PT job since then, which is seasonal.
All he does during the …
My husband is a recliner potato and an alcoholic
My retired husband is all of the above and drinks beer from 5:00 AM until bedtime.
For a very short while he was interested in working part time. I …
Save Your Marriage from Divorce
Today, I am writing about how to save your marriage from a divorce. I really hate the idea of divorce later in life... but it happens even after retirement. …
My husband is driving me crazy after he retired
My husband retired at 62, he had worked at the same job for 42 years. I was happy for him to get out of there, but he is now driving me crazy at home. …
Learning about Codependency
For many years, I've been unhappily married I got on antidepressants and seen a counsler it took me a long time to figure out I could be having a codependent …
The Role Retirement Played in my Spouse and I drifted apart
I worked as a teacher for forty-three years, and believe it or not was was not ready to retire because I truly enjoyed working with my students and their …
Husband Retired, Help!
My husband and I are both retired, he was laid off from his job after 18 years. Since then he has been home 24/7, has no ambition to do anything, when …
Do You Love Your Husband?
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" …
Depressed with husbands retirement
I am 57, I have a 16 year old daughter to raise. My adult daughter lives with us, she is handicapped and has no income and no resources. My adult son lives …
After retirement, living 24/7 with inactive husband will be scary!
My husband retired from teaching 17 years ago and became a "couch potato," while I have fortunately continued working since then in a pleasant and creatively …
Miss Your Husband?
I live in a seniors' complex and most of the women are widows. Currently, I have five of these women wanting me -- also a widow -- to visit them. And …
Retired Husband
My husband just lies around all day, watches tv, or is playing games on the computer and is around 24/7.
I try to get him to give us some time apart, …
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Retirement and suddenly widowed
I retired in April of 2011. My husband & I spent 3 months in Northern Belize to see if it was some where we would want to retire to. We fell in love …
Divorce was Priceless...
My husband was a late 50's widower & recently retired professor when we met and shortly afterward married. I was still working, but he spent his days at …
Retirement spoiled the Marriage
Well retirement spoiled our relationship but that was because of many factors.
We both retired to move to where my daughter was so I could help her …
Retired, Married, Bored and Betrayed...
My husband retired several times, always returning to a lucrative consulting gig while I continued to work at a miserable dead end job with the only plus …
Lessons in Marriage and
Retirement At Age 75...
In all good marriages, no matter how long it lasts, no matter how happy it is , there has to be a peace maker, one at least.
Not to brag but I consider …
Retired and Married: Spending All Day, Every Day, with your Spouse...
I met my best friend during my junior year in college and married him eight years later.
While we spent most of those 25 years living under the same …
India's Joint Family System makes for Happy Retirement
We belong to India, a country in Asia. We both worked in the government sector before retirement. 58 years is retirement age in India.
When I retired, …
Marriage is still Beautiful after Retirement...
Residing in Haryana, India I and my wife both were working as teachers in state government till we retired. I retired first followed by my wife who retired …
Retired, Married and Both Still Independant
We have been married for 12 years and we both worked full time before we retired and we retired at the same time.
Before retirement, we saw each other …
Marriage and Retirement
My wife and I have been married since 1965. We both grew up in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. We met in high school, George Washington High School, in Northeast …
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