Depressed with husbands retirement

by Carol
(washington)

I am 57, I have a 16 year old daughter to raise. My adult daughter lives with us, she is handicapped and has no income and no resources. My adult son lives here temporarily, but he is not a problem and is working after college.

My husband lost his job three years ago. I am not doing so well since he started a trucking business. There is no routine, no stability in his income. I feel depressed a lot and am sick often. I have low energy, and some anxiety problems. I am not happy. I live in the country and feel isolated.

If this is retirement I do not like it. I haven't worked in 12 years and feel sick so much I doubt I could work. This has been a very deprestsing time in my life. I live several miles outside of a small town and there isn't much social life. It takes some getting used to.

Comments for Depressed with husbands retirement

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If I can help...
by: Anonymous

I have a 36 year old special needs son. He is mobile and social but cannot hold a regular job and cannot live independently.

At your Childs age 18 more benefits will become available.

Consider an AFC home at least by age 21, my son did not go to an AFC home until age 29, he should have gone sooner.

If at all possible move to a town where they have programs easily accessible. My town is like 13,000 people, in Michigan. My son is within walking distance to his social outlet provided by the agency, the sheltered workshop where he works, his doctors, and other social outlets. He is within an easy drive from my house.

My sons Mother, her and her husband are retired, live 35 miles from anywhere... it is killing her I am told by my daughter, it would kill me.

I am recently retired, and it is an adjustment, and my son consumed a lot of my attention over the years. But I shall work through that, and I am glad I live near my town.
Been there, done that!
by: Linda

I know how you are feeling and I felt the same way ~ Just take life "ONE DAY AT A TIME" ~ that may help you somewhat. Good luck!
letter
by: Anonymous

If possible provide some training of useful craft to your handicapped daughters. Doing some work at home they will be active will earn and they will be happy also.

You will not feel depressed, Painting, Quilting or any other craft which can be possible will be helpful.

Seek help from SS. You feel energetic and think creative.
It's not all bad
by: Anonymous

I feel for you as I was in a similar situation once. I was a lot younger and a little old lady advised me to think about what I have got, not what I have not. Compared to some others I was a millionairess.

I have also found that I can now cope if I eat correctly. What's the old saying "let your medicine be your food and your food be your medicine"! We have to look after ourselves when we are older, no one else will. Young folk, in general, are more selfish these days, it's the way the world has taught them.

You are very precious, we only have one life and this it, whether we like it or not. This is not a rehearsal. There are many 'free' wonders on this earth to make us feel good, if only we look for them.I saw a beautiful rainbow yesterday when I was walking the dogs. It cost me nothing.

Take gentle care.
Husbands Retirement
by: Anonymous

Carol,

I think that this is becoming a major trend i.e. husbands loosing their main jobs and as a result the family scrambling to get some living income.

The period between age 52 and 62 is often called the most productive time of your life. There are instead many families suffering because of the up and down nature of the present economy.

I think the best strategy is to try maximize on your job and small business opportunities wherever they may come from. Sometimes you will need job upgrading or small business mentoring to participate in the job market, in order to get the whole family back on track again. I think that your son has a good positive plan which could something to work with for the rest of the family.

Good Luck!
Joe W.
Try prayer
by: Anonymous

Hi - life sucks sometimes doesn't it? If you can afford it, try to get some nutritional supplements that will help you with depression and no energy. Try DHEA, St. John's Wort, or look up Univera products.

Also, if you can find the time, sit and meditate. It is easy, just focus on your breath and on your heart center. Ask for answers. Pray works, too. I ask God for help a lot.

Try tp practice an attitude of gratitude! If you give thanks for what you do have in your life, more will be added. I wish I had a husband. Give thanks for yours. Appreciate that you live in the country and not the inner city or a crime-ridden neighborhood.

Can't your handicapped daughter qualify for social security disability? Worth checking into.

I hope this helps you.
God Bless, Elizabeth H.
HIDING INSIDE*
by: Sharyn~~~CANADA

Dear Carol,
Your story is so sad. My heart goes out to you. Seems there is no light at the end of the tunnel for you and your family except for your son!

Do u not have a support system u can go to, so u can talk about these thoughts that r filling your every waking moment?

You r anxious & depressed, u need counselling, a professional who will listen to u and offer advice on how you can overcome these feelings of dread. Look in the phone book, call Social Services, there must be agencies in the USA who r there for people who require help for emotional & mental health issues! U have to understand, u mus't continue on the way u have been going, your situation will only get worse until u make that phone call & seek HELP.

ONLY U CAN make that call, when u do , u WILL feel better, calmer, less stressed, encouraged, just knowing you r on your way to your first appointment to a happier more fulfilling life~~ Cause, when the wife~mother~caregiver~ is happy & content every one wins~~ Please MAKE that call & u too will see the light at the end of your tunnel!

U CAN DO THIS ~ pick up that phone & just ASK **

This Might Help
by: Dean

Carol,

My wife and I have made some good friends at the various churches we've attended during our 40+ years of marriage. 20 years ago when we relocated to the south the new church we attended was a real blessing. (The first church we tried after relocating just wasn't a good fit.) We made some good friends who made us feel welcome.

I don't know if you are a church goer but if not it might be worth a try. If you are a churchgoer and you don't seem to be getting the support you need I would consider church shopping. A good friend can b a lifesaver.

Dean
Worried about you
by: mtaylor325

I know you have not included all the details of your situation at this moment in time. Have you applied for SS disability for your disabled daughter? That will relieve some of the pressure on you.

Even if you live way "out in the country" there are services that come to your home to assist with your daughter. From your situation I know there would be little or no fee.

Make sure your son is contributing to the household. He should not expect free room and board any time he has failed to make it on his own. Better late than never to teach responsibility. If he has no income then laundry, cleaning, cooking, helping with his sister would be places to start. Delegate some of your burden, you are not a martyr so change it up now.

If you are in a controlling or abusive situation let someone know by any means you can. I am worried about you.
I wish I lived closer to you
by: Margo

I LOVE HAVING FRIENDS
Sounds like you have a lot on your plate
by: Nancy

Carol, As for your adult daughter who has no resources, is she on SSI? If not, she can apply and this would give her an income. Also your department of vocational rehabilitation might be able to help, if not with employment, they can refer her to appropriate resources. That would at least help with that. Also, being on this website has helped me feel less isolated since I retired. Hope you feel better soon. Nancy

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