I hate being retired, now that husband retired

by Linda Ohio

I retired at 64 yrs of age, in 2018.

Got to enjoy it for a year and a half, until my husband retired. Now it is pretty hellish. He wants to sit in the house and control the remote and watch things I have no interest in. Our house is very small about 1200 square feet.

You really can't get away from yourself, he does not want me to leave the house, I have no friends, just a sister, and he is jealous of anytime I spend away, at all. Then Covid hit and he is absolutely paranoid about it.

I can't go to the store or anywhere without him. If I was younger I would leave, but entrenched too much, dogs, farm animals, grandkids etc. after 27 years together, 2nd marriage, which is a whole other story.

I hate my life. Hopefully Covid will end and I am going to go back to work.

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Similar Story
by: Canadian Retiree

My story is similar except my husband retired before me. He is a couple years younger than me. His health is not good so between Covid restrictions and his poor health we don’t do much together anymore.

I have to go places alone most of the time this includes grocery shopping. It’s a drag. I have a few hobbies that get me out of the house. I miss my job and coworkers. Our house needs updating and my husband is not interested in decorating nor clutter clearing our home.

I don’t enjoy retirement either. Good luck
Re: I hate being retired, now that husband retired
by: Anonymous

It’s amazing how all the women on this blog have no empathy for their husbands who now find themselves in a totally different world. No problems with them when they were supporting you.
Single and happy
by: Anonymous

Sorry to hear marriage in retirement is not fun. Makes me glad I’m not married.

Even though I get occasionally lonely, I’m free to do whatever I want. I worked for 50 years at a career that was chosen for me that I didn’t enjoy.

But in retirement I spend all day enjoying my hobbies. So I’m very fortunate.
You are Living my life!
by: Shredder/Phoenix, AZ

My story is almost exactly like yours. I retired in 2016. It took me almost 2 years to settle into being retired and to love having my days to myself.

My younger husband didn't retire until last week. Unlike your hubs, mine wants to be on the go with things planned every minute of every day. I'm going crazy!

I had settled into a very comfortable routine and now it's turned upside down. I keep telling myself that I will miss these days when he is gone (he was diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago and has had a recurrence).

He is currently well and I don't want to be ungrateful - but now our life is HIS life according to HIS schedule.

I really love him and enjoy our time together - I just wish he would learn to relax a bit. I'm hoping he will calm down as he gets used to not working.

Wendy: You are blessed, count your blessings! He will settle down, but early on, he is anxious and attempting to keep busy and not worry. Help him find his own new routines... life will settle down.
Husband retired hate my life
by: Anonymous

Oh, start doing what you want regardless of what he wants. He will pout and try to make you miserable of course. Better that he is mad than you are mad. Just internally roll your eyes. Big deal that he is mad.
Husband Retired
by: Carol, Canada

My husband retired way before me and he is younger than me. But once he retired, no way did I want to be home with him all day every day, ha, ha. But at age 69 my boss laid me off, he kept me long enough finding odd jobs, etc.

It's not too bad but my husband has OCD and everything has to be done his way!!! Drives me insane. But I am lucky, he walks the dog for 2 hours a day so is gone then. He also goes to the gym a lot but not right now because of COVID.

But the thing that saves us is that I have my own bedroom and bathroom. When he drives me too insane, I just go in there and do my own things. My hobbies, reading, etc. Works for us.

Other than that he is good, he cooks, does grocery shopping, does the yard. Because he is OCD he wants to do everything his was so he does it all. All he allows me to do is vacuum, clean and bake. So I sleep a lot also.
Stop the madness!
by: Wee-Zer

Linda, you are a grown woman and have a right to do things on your own. Do not be a door mat for this guy.

You need to establish rules and do it right away. The longer you let him march you around the harder it is going to be break him of this irrational behavior.

You are going to have to train him like a puppy and start with small steps. Don't go crazy and try to do everything at once. Start establishing certain routines that he is NOT allowed to accompany you. Tell him you are going to see your Sister and you are going to have girl time.

To ease his anxiety, perhaps give him an activity to do like making a meatloaf for dinner. Have all the ingredients at hand so he doesn't have to search much or have an excuse not to do it.

Tell him what time you will be home. Also, tell him you will call him an hour before you come home in case he wants you to pick something up. Maybe you can bring him something like a treat when you come home.

You know when you train puppies, you have to give them treats so they happily perform things to please.

If your sister agrees, make it a weekly date. Say every Wednesday. So right there you have established a set routine and he will know what to expect each week.

I bought a paper shredder recently and weirdly enough, my Hub seems to enjoy doing it where I despise it. Give him something to do as a chore.

Also, establish more routines with your husband like some kind of special dinner on a Friday night. Then watch a movie together afterwards. Plan a once a week outing with him too.

I am not trying to compare your husband to a puppy, but we humans need training too and we also like to please and feel comfortable when rules are followed. You need to slowly do things for yourself.

In the meantime you have to figure out how to reassure your husband all is okay and he will be rewarded going along with your desires. For some reason he is insecure. He needs something to do! What did he do in his working years?

Please, put on your big girl pants and don't let this continue. It just isn't right!

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