Reality

by Tulula
(Tulsa, Oklahoma )

After reading many postings, it seems that the majority of married men cannot adjust to retirement. And they do psychological damage to their marriages by going from independent to dependent spouses. Why?

It's equivalent to sucking all the air out of a balloon.

Why are retired men becoming burdens instead of team players?

Honestly, it's really difficult to respect someone who over-relies on a woman for their daily existence.

Don't they see the damage they do?

Comments for Reality

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Response
by: Mary

Ladies, it is not your responsibility to fix a broken man. I have read so many posts from other women, who talk about "helping a husband".

Did they need your help when they were working? Honestly, stop mothering them and be your own best friend.
I fully understand
by: Vancouver Canada

I fully understand and I am a retired man.

Most Men have spent their lives working, uncertain what is going to happen each day and making friends and coworkers along the way.

Retirement is like moving to a new city and knowing no one. Retirement means your husband MUST find his new purpose in life and reason for living.

This is not an easy thing to do but you can help by reviewing things he did in his younger years that brought him joy or a to-do list that he might have..encourage him and accompany him if needed but he must enjoy his personal choices in retirement...sitting doing nothing accomplishes nothing except encourages depression and isolation.

Good luck
Tom
Sister
by: Georgia

Well it is not entirely the man’s fault for being so dependent. My sister has made herself a slave to her husband doing everything for him and he lets her.

Now he has had knee surgery and has really become a burden and while I feel sorry for her, she has allowed him to be this way.

When something happens to her, and it will because she will just wear herself out, he will find a younger woman and carry on. Saw this happen with my parents.

Women, This man is not your baby so don’t treat him like one.
retired men
by: Cindi H

Not ALL men, obviously. My hubby is even more fun now that he's retired.

He's always been a fixer and constantly finds projects at our house to work on. I'd say he's probably the busier one at our house, but he also lets me be me.

So if I accomplish absolutely nothing in a day other than reading or taking a walk he never complains. And if I decide to do a million things on my own, well he's got his projects.

Besides fixing things (which he actually enjoys), he's a great gardener, he works on his family genealogy and is much more organized with it than I am, he plays piano. Well, I can rave on forever.

He's always been my best friend and we spend a lot of time together - even just riding in the car together to run errands.

I tell him he's my biggest blessing and if he wasn't already perfect enough he tells me constantly how lucky he is to have me. What can I say? A mutual admiration society.
Husbands
by: Sherry/ NC

Oh whoa is me, I cannot be happy. This is what I am hearing from the wives. Nobody is perfect.

Jeanne is right. A man's career is everything to him and men like to feel needed.

Be kind to one another and caring and loving.
Life is short.
Reality
by: Carol, Canada

My husband is the opposite. He wants to do everything, cook, get groceries, work the dishwasher, walk the dog, on and on. All that is left for me to do is to bake and clean. Which is fine but I like to be busy. And without a purpose I get aimless.

I tell him to give me more chores and he just worries it might be too much for me. Sometimes I wish I had a husband who sat on the couch and waited for dinner. I guess I am never satisfied. Had one of those before and got rid of him, ha, ha.

I'm a bit bored so insisted he let me walk the dog more. We could walk him together but he has to boss me where to walk and I like to pick my own walk. Sigh!
Retired men
by: Jeanne Savelle/Atlanta

He is probably afraid. He's lost his identity, his connections, his purpose. He is lost and doesn't know how to find himself again.

With compassion, you can help him regain his sense of purpose and identity.

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