Continuous feedback

by Contessa
(Texas)

Hello. I am noticing that my retired husband is putting in his two cents worth too often. He listens to my phone conversations and forms an opinion based on what he hears me say (he has no idea what the other person is asking).

Unfortunately, his remarks are in the form of a lecture,or to chide me.

I was wondering if other women encounter this behavior, and if so, what do they do?

Comments for Continuous feedback

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listening to phone conversations
by: Anonymous

I second it that talking about a situation is often not the way to resolve things. Best if you can just work around it. Unless you happen to have a history of nicely talking things out and resolving them happily.
How To Distract A Husband's Eager Ear
by: Bernard Kelly - Geelong

Hello Contessa in Texas

the simple solution is to distract him - like when infants pick up a sewing needle, you offer to swap the needle for your car keys.

So dangle something of interest to your husband - preferably out of the house - and let him rush off there.

And don't forget to come back here to tell us all about it!
The need to feel in control
by: CONTROL

My spouse does the same. There is a need to feel in the loop, in charge and most importantly relevant. If your husband was in a management capacity or leadership role; there is a desperate need to be heard, to be right and to be in charge.

To solve this problem when I have "personal" calls to make to a friend, I go for a walk, or go into the yard to work etc. If it is a call from the kids or folks that I don't mind sharing; I put it on the speaker and let everyone know my spouse is there.

They need to feel included, so where you can include them. Where you can't, let the person know you will call them back and take a walk.

It is hard to loose your "power" and to just be a guy. Egos need to be heard.

Be gentle, but sneaky.
Tell him it is rude to eavesdrop
by: Michael - Sunny and Warm Venice Florida

From a man's point of view, it sounds like your husband has too much time on his hands and he needs something to do.

In this situation, just be straight-forward about your feelings. "My conversations with the person on the other end of the line are private and I don't appreciate that you eavesdrop. If something is said that I think will be of interest to you, I will share when I am finished."

I have the opposite problem in my house. My husband has to give me updates after having conversations with his friends and family, when, in actuality, I really don't care.
not much
by: nick/pa

Most of of the calls my wife gets are from the kids - same with me unless it's work. Normally, whatever it is, it's on speaker phone, and the conversations really aren't secret.

After the call, the most we do is complain that the kids don't come home enough.

I wonder if you're husband isn't bored....
My sympathies
by: Tom Vancouver BC

I sympathize with your situation and your husband's unrequested comments regarding your "private" telephone conversations. I think trying to discuss this with your husband would be a real challenge. I think you are better off simply taking ALL your phone calls in a separate bedroom, in the kitchen or outside if you are on a cellphone.

Good luck

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