Husband is ruining his health... and mine!

by Barb
(Florida)

Husband was forceably retired 2.5 years ago after 42 years with the same company. He is sitting around and gaining weight. He is now prediabetic and takes medication for anxiety.

Even when we went to Florida for a couple of months, he still was lethargic, and mean. I am tired of this. If he wants to eat himself to death, then so be it.

I am not doing well...I seem to have become my retired husband's kicking boy. He is verbally abusive, and lords finances over me whenever we have a disagreement. I quit working to be with him, but am rethinking that decision. He has no friends, no hobbies (except berating me), and an attitude of entitlement. I am 58 and cry a lot. SOS

I am going to find a job so I don't have to watch him self-destruct.

Comments for Husband is ruining his health... and mine!

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GET OUT OF THAT HOUSE
by: C/Lanham

As hard as it may be for you, you need to get away from your husband, if not permanently, then for a while working a job.

Don't let him destroy you by verbally abusing you and being inactive. THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR THAT!

If he doesn't want to take care of himself then that's up to him, but YOU need to take care of yourself and being around him is killing you.
Maybe It's Time to Make a Change
by: Linda/Nevada

I have been divorced for 38 years so I do not profess to know a lot about marriage and its challenges but I have a sister who had a similar problem with her husband and one of my neighbors is living with a husband who will not take care of himself despite his critical medical problems.

This is only my opinion, but it seems like men will continue their abusive treatment of their wives as long as it works for them. When you get to your later years of your life, it serves no purpose to live out your life with someone who is toxic, stubborn, and selfish. Give your husband his space and let him self-destruct himself on his own.

Meanwhile it is time for you to create a new life for yourself that does not stress you out or make you feel like you have to bear his self-inflicted burdens. Selfish people will take advantage of anyone who feeds their need to be the center of attention. Don't let yourself be used in this way.

Ending a marriage is a very hard thing to do but living a life in stress and anger is no way to live either.
Ruining his health and mine
by: Elna Nugent, Lenox, MA

Dear Barb,

You probably won't do this, but I think you should.

I think you should show your husband what you just wrote to this Retirement community. I think it is important that he knows exactly how you feel.

Forcing him to think beyond himself is not going to hurt. him. And Wendy 's advice may work.

Congratulating him every time he does something helpful for you can be life changing....for him as well as for you.
God Bless.
Depressed Husband
by: Wendy, www.retirement-online.com

Really sounds like his meds aren't right for him. See the doctor again... it takes several tries before the perfect anti-depressant is found, sometimes. It's a pain, yes, but once he is on a better med, he will improve.

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