I think my husband needs help

by Anne K
(Rochester, NY)

I've been retired for over 11 years, and my husband, age 79, just "semi" retired 6 months ago.

I have developed an interest in many activities, including golf and several volunteer jobs, and have made new friends along the way.

My husband's job kept him very busy, and now he is complaining he feels lonely and unwanted while I am out "doing my thing". I fear he is on the verge of depression.

If I have to I will give up most of my outside activities, but am not sure that is really the way to help him deal with this issue.

He says he doesn't have friends, just "acquaintances" but seems reluctant to involve himself in activities where he can make friends.

Please offer me any advice you can about how to deal with this. Thank you.

Comments for I think my husband needs help

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I think my husband needs help
by: Jeff

Wow, this sounds like me when I moved in with my lady and changed towns. I had lived at a retirement community and had friends for coffee and dinner. I had a good life. So when I moved I thought all of this would go with me and I was sooooooo wrong.

For the first few months life was hell and I was a basket case.

It's been two years now and things are getting better but it's still hard as she owns her own business and put in lots of hours. So I am still alone, doing nothing.

However I have been building a circle of friends and slowly things are getting better. Depression, yet for sure. I found going to NAMI meeting helped as I found out some of my problems were the same as others and it was nice to have someone to talk these things over with.

Don't give up on him, and don't give up any of what you have going. Just find a way to build on what you both enjoy.
Possibilities
by: Laura in Vermont

Your husband sounds like he's having a tough time getting back on his feet. He seems to feel like he's lost everything, including any idea of what to do with himself.

Is there something you and he share, like a friendly couple to have dinner with, a common interest, or an interest of his that you can get interested in? You may want to try to go with him to things once in a while so he doesn't totally grow roots in bed. He might pull out of his slump with a little help reconnecting to fun things.

Failing that he should get to a doctor to rule out any physical ailments, and maybe try antidepressants or therapy--or both. Men usually think all this stuff is useless, but it isn't once they give it a try. If he goes to church, perhaps a pastoral counselor would be more acceptable.
I think my husband needs help
by: Sherry/ NC

All husbands need help, if they are not helping the wife. If a wife takes care of all of her husbands needs and he doesn't help her he will have a sad life in the end because she will learn to ignore him!! All husbands should put their wives' first !!!!! It pays off in the long run!!!!
Do Nothing
by: AMV/MO

Ask him to read my post on this site:

https://www.retirement-online.com/finally-happy-in-retirement.html

:-)
Acquaintances
by: natasha

He brings up good point. He is maybe wanting someone to share disappointments failures successes etc with. Undies are just passers by. I like anonymous online groups for sharing.

Over eaters anonymous has online meetings that serve me well. If you want to see what I am talking about check into a session and see. Maybe two sessions to get a better feel.

I can share my aggravation’s and heartbreaks and. I tories and joys and support others too. Seems strange but I like it

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