Black Holes

by Sue

I retired after careful planning at the end of July,working hard for 50 years and thinking I had it all worked out....alas I find retirement is unbearable mainly due to the lack of contact with other human beings.

We dont realise how valuable our work colleagues are, if you live on your own as I do, without that daily chatter you can easily fall apart.

I used to be up at 6am but now sit around til noon in my dressing gown. I had a full and wonderful life, but am now living at the bottom of a black hole, and cannot see the light to climb towards.

Everyone is a couple that is the problem, when you are alone you dont have anyone to open your mouth to speak to...and that is unbearable but unchangeable.

I could travel, have seen all the world anyway, but alone its miserable. You might say join clubs, but I dont want to play bridge, do knitting, or be a volunteer.

I want a more sophisticated lifestyle, but there doesn't seem to be anyone out there who might want the same...so I will seek work before long to fill my days and hope to stay there forever.

Comments for Black Holes

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Meeting people
by: Vicki/CT

Sue,
I moved across the country and retired at almost the same time. I had no friends here whatsoever. Sitting in a house all day by yourself gets very lonely. I would suggest finding a hobby you would like to pursue. I started with a book club that I found on Meetup.com. Then I joined a tai chi for seniors club. Eventually I added other groups and now I am busier than ever and have a reason to go out as much as I want to.

Social activities are everywhere, but you do have to search for them. They aren't going to knock on your door and invite you. Perhaps you had an interest years ago that you would like to revisit?

I hope you find the joy of greeting each new day soon. I love it.
Loving Retirement!!!
by: Kentucky

I retired about 18 months ago after working for a company for 40 years. Before that, I was in the service and before that-worked since I was 13 years old.

Finally - I can do what I want! I love it, every day is special. I am 63 and I'm just now learning to play the drums....always wanted to do that.

I'm looking for an older car to restore. I'm taking online classes, I'm the driver for my in-laws and their many Dr. visits, I go to estate sales and auctions.

With SS & my pension, I make the same money. My wife still has a few years left before she can retire-so I do all I can do to get things done so she can enjoy every weekend.

Retirement is what you make of it.
Black Hole too
by: Anonymous

Sue, I'm seeking employment to get back into a routine, socializing and gain back my personal worth.

I've searched my mind for answers and like you decided on going back to work is the answer. I woke up at 5 am for 40+ years and also like you, I'm still in my PJs past noon every day. Some days I stay in them all day.

Money is a huge factor in my situation. I am poor now, living on my husbands income from disability. That is a huge part of my depression. There's no use in doing anything because there's not much you can do for free.

Who ever knew "retirement" could be so damn awful.

Good luck to you.
Get out of the house!
by: Winifred

Sue, I hear you but I can't sympathize with you. When you were working you had to leave your house to socialize with your co-workers. No one will leave their job and come to you just so you can have someone to talk to. I doubt that your co-workers worked as couples

so continue your relationship with them as singles. Meet your friends for lunch, volunteer, go to the movies, talk to your neighbors, join your local senior group and go on outings....okay, get another job, but DO SOMETHING!

Do you realize that there are people who would love to have your problem of "retirement"?
Loyce!
by: Anonymous

We have choices: We can adapt to others or we can start our own groups/endeavors and have others adapt to us.
Retirement
by: Carolyn

So sorry you feel so sad Sue - this website has made me realize that I was not at all unique when I fell into a serious depression 7 months after retirement - at first it was fun meeting friends for lunch, going to the art gallery, taking a trip to NYC, then when a family member got sick I sunk and even though she got well, I remained in a horrendous depression missing work, feeling without purpose.

I too am single but I am fortunate that I have a lot of friends most of whom are retired - I also volunteer at the Toronto humane society - I was quite depressed for a year but found an anti depressant that worked (the first 3 did not) - and due to that and given time I feel myself again and am enjoying my retirement planning a cruise in January - it will get better.

I thought it never would but it did.
DIG YOURSELF OUT!
by: Sheila White

Get a pet, join a group, volunteer...anywhere! Did you go out to find work, or did you sit at home waiting for someone to find you? It's the same with retirement. Go - go - go!
Some suggestions
by: Donna/Colorado

Sue, i'm also retired after 50+ years of working. I'm single and live in my own home (by choice). This is my second year of retirement and find myself busier than i ever was working.

I don't know what your interests are so can only speak for myself. I have memberships to museums, zoo, etc. close to home and also to the nearest big cities (50 miles distance). I take full advantage on my own and with friends to special exhibits and members only previews. I have a very active Senior Center that i take full advantage of - day trips, classes. I've made friends thru the Center but also never hesitate to go on trips on my own because everyone is very friendly. I also am a regular (alone and with friends) of professional theater, ballet, concerts and symphony.

I think there are probably many opportunities for you if you'll look around.

In the interest of full disclosure, i am an introvert and crave and need my solitude so perhaps this makes it easier for me. Oh and i also take classes of everything that catches my interest. Because I'm a natural homebody, i prefer online classes to attending them outside.

Hope you find your way - we worked hard all our lives and deserve a happy retirement by our own personal definition.
my heart went out to you in reading this
by: Rose Raintree, Arlington Wa.

I am now 71 years young and I retired 3 years ago after being an RN for 35 years and working for a total of almost 50 years as well. Was always around people.

Have lived alone now for 15 years and when I retired the first year was a huge awakening and I struggled because I now spend most of my time alone.

However, I made some very wise decisions before I retired as being a Director in an Assisted Living community I learned some things from those who do it well and those who don't.

I bought me a small dog her name is chichi as I knew she would force me to stay active and get out and walk in my neighborhood 2-3 X a day and not only stay physically healthy but give me opportunity to meet and talk to my neighbors.

I gave up my home and bought into a 55+ senior mobile home park so I would be closer to my family especially my granddaughter and have spent a wonderful 3 years 2-3 days a week with her until this year as she is now in school every day, but I have visit's like later today.

I discovered that while I knew nothing about gardening when I retired that started making an effort and after 3 years I have one of the prettiest yards in my park. I joined a gym and went 2-3 X a week. I go to church to keep connection with people.

But I also discovered that I love my alone time, it has given me opportunity for some real introspection and getting to know me again.

We are not done, but we can be if we allow our retirement to stop us. you have to re-invent yourself and if you don't know what you would like to do try several things until you find something that will ignite a passion within you.

Be your own best friend, go for walks, I always got up at 6AM and I still get up no later than 7AM and I dress and put on my makeup and take care of my home and take my first morning walk thanking God for another day to see what can happen.

You never know what a day can hold but we have to make an effort. If you continue in this pattern you will dig yourself into a hole you will find almost impossible to get out of.

So I pray you will get up, show up and make a life now for yourself that you will enjoy. Being alone is not a disease or a death sentence unless we allow it to be. Go to malls just to look around, talk to strangers, go out to eat, treat yourself well and you may be surprised how one day you jump out of bed excited about what the day will hold.

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