Depression/Frustration/Dissapointments

by Carol E
(Louisiana USA)

Ok I am a newbie to this retirement site. I suppose, like some of us, I don’t like to think that being over the age of 55 is considered being a senior.

I retired at 53 but never had a retirement plan… I remarried after 23 years of marriage to a man retired from the military. We have been married for 15 years now and he continues to work off and on for offshore jobs.

We now are thinking about him completely retiring, but for some reason neither one of us can really make up our mind on how to go about doing it. I inherited a little money along the way and was planning on that to supplement our income.

I have children and grandchildren nearby and what I have been reading on the posts, most people plan to move closer to their children. I cannot decide on that one, I look at it two ways. One It gives me pleasure that my family needs me and I get to see the kids and grandchildren regularly, but on the other hand, I feel it’s time my husband and I get a chance to experience a chance to travel or move or relocate.

But that is where we get stuck…. His dream is to buy/build in Tennessee with lots of land. We currently own 2.5 acres with a large home which we both complain that it is getting too big for us to handle.

We live in the south so the humidity/dampness is rough on our joints. I have been told moving to the mountains can be just as bad with snow and being cold. I don’t care for the mi-west and he cares nothing for the eastern coast. So that leaves Florida.

I love Florida and the beach, but then you have to contend with the hurricanes. Also, I keep thinking I might not like leaving my home, I know it’s a material object, but it’s all I have.

I do not have but one friend that I can bum around with once in a blue moon. My husband really does not have anyone either to do same. So it’s just he and me 24/7 when he is home.

I had gotten into sandblasting glass but with the economy, people are holding on to their money as I am, so that has come to a close.

So here we are, he piddles around the yard, but mostly sits watching TV and playing games on the computer and because of that I usually find something else to do, sometimes I go sit in the computer room and work on my computer working on little projects or look at options out there for retirees or look at property and dream of what we might want.

The sad thing is we cannot seem to sit and discuss how we want to get where we want to go, because we don’t know where we want to go so I suppose because of that, we don’t know how to address it.

Wendy: I simply MUST jump in here: Retirement is a Journey -- Not a Destination.

BUT at the same time when we do bring up discussion on it, it’s always; we can’t do anything until we are totally out of debt and that ends the discussion.

Now who has had these issues deciding what to do as they retire and what have you done to take that step?

Carol E.

Wendy: Carol, I am going to write to you privately... but I have one thought here. You seem to have the perfect retirement scenario (lots of options) and yet still stuck. Life is funny!

THIS is the statement that gets me: "we can’t do anything until we are totally out of debt and that ends the discussion."

I get it... but quite honestly, if you waited until you had enough money - you'd never get married, you'd never have kids, you'd never purchase your first home... Right? My question is: when is enough enough?

If that really is what's holding you back, please consult with a retirement financial planner. Normally the first consult is free... you don't have to go back or take the advice given. In fact, you might make appointments with several to see if their two cents points in the same direction each time.

If they all say you aren't ready... fine. If they all say you are, you simply do this and that... fine. Either way -- their advice simply negates that one "we can't, until" statement and gives you options again.

One last thought, maybe HE isn't ready. When he is really ready, he will KNOW it and the "we can't, until" won't be important any more. He will know when he is ready...

Best Wishes!

SIGN UP: Retirement Insider