Early Retirement: Not What I Thought it Would Be.

by Linda
(Houston Delaware)

I am 62 years old and I retired this past August. I always said I couldn't wait until I didn't have to work anymore. I was looking forward to what I thought would be a time to do things at home that I never had time to do.

But most of all I thought my spouse and I would do things together that we didn't really have time to do when I was working. He was on disability for quite a few years so he was used to being home. He is content sitting in his recliner napping, playing on his cell phone and watching TV. He is not one to make conversation or make plans to do anything together.

I don't like sitting around doing nothing. I feel like my life is passing me by. I am frustrated and sad. He says we are here together what more do you want. He tells me that I am not happy no matter what. I wanted to retire now I don't like being retired. I feel so alone and sad that he doesn't even try to understand.

I have been with this man for 31 years. Our life now is not what I envisioned it to be and he doesn't want to change anything. I need to know if I am wrong for wanting more than just to sit with him while he sleeps in his recliner and I read a book or stare at the television.

I want to know that I am not alone and if anyone has any suggestions I would love to hear them.

Comments for Early Retirement: Not What I Thought it Would Be.

Click here to add your own comments

I Agree
by: Anonymous

I just retired from my job after my cancer treatments ended and it is a big mistake. I miss my job. I am 64 and planned to go until at least 65. I’m bored to tears and feel sick every day.
I wake up early and want to head to my job. I miss my coworkers. I ice skate a couple days a week. I may swim in summer. I’m starting a volunteer gig at the hospital I had chemo treatments at. Hope I don’t get depressed. Oh well live and learn.
I understand
by: Jenna Sue

My husband and I are both retired. We travel and take trips together which is wonderful.

In between travels my husband passes time by playing games on the computer, complete with a headset. It is a bit like living with a teenaged boy. He talks way too little.

So I take art lessons, oil painting, and try to do things where I can hear conversations.

My suggestion to you is to find a balance of things you can do on your own and things you can do with your husband. Just give him some space to do nothing while you are out and you'll find he misses you and things will naturally become more balanced.

Invite friends over to play cards and get him involved shopping for the food and cooking the hamburgers. If he has relatives have them over for dinner or games. Just try different things and try not to get mad at him.

Also, I find if I tell my husband I am lonesome he takes it to heart and makes an effort to take me to the zoo or somewhere.
Mike in las vegas
by: Anonymous

Life has always been adjusting. Think about when you were dating, and the question of marriage came along. You knew your life would change, but you took it and changed with it. Retirement is a journey, not a destination. There are millions of things to do, no matter what your physical body and mind will let you do. Get out there and experience the life you have.
No restrictions to your minds eye. If you can vision it, try it. This is like 7th grade gym class. Good luck.
Join a group and meet people
by: Michael D. Bell, REALTOR®, Venice Florida

Join a local seniors center, YMCA, or maybe a womens' group at your church. Many of those organizations offer day trips to events that you might enjoy. It will give you the opportunity to meet other people. And, it may inspire your husband to get up off the couch and join you.

Has your husband been to the doctor lately? Maybe he is depressed. Sit on the couch long enough, and it becomes hard to change. Also, maybe you and your husband could go for some counseling in order to develop a plan for spending time together and apart.
Reply to Sherry in NC
by: Nancy in Texas

Please try to be a litle understanding when you are replying. I am doing things, but I was expressing my feelings. Your attitude wasn't really helpful. Most of us know what we have to do/but we are entitled to our feelings. This community is suppose to be supportive not judgmental.
I understand
by: Nancy in Texas

My husband and I have been semi retired for over two years. I work 18 hrs a week and he teaches for a community college a few hours three times a week.

My husband had a brain surgery for a non-malignant growth. He recovered about 95% . This surgery seems to have taken his "want to" to plan any projects unless I get him up and going. He is not motivated like he use to be. He sits and naps, plays solitary on the computer, but can't seem to get motivated.

While I find more than enough to do in housework, yard work, volunteer work or various things I enjoy. It's hard to live with another person that seems to be in their own world. It's not what I thought my retirement years would be. I am grateful he came through the surgery, but he is not the same person.

How do you adjust? It's not easy. I understand.
Early Retirement
by: Sherry/ NC

Really lady, you don't have to sit there with him!! You have your own life you can go whenever you want and wherever you want! There is a whole big world out there find some things to do for you!
Not alone
by: Dave

Hi you are not alone . I think we have all felt that our partners seem to be stuck in their life and we have all this freedom, just go for it .

Take up new challenges ,g o to the gym , join local clubs ,if your partner is happy with his lot then cool ,it doesn't mean you have to be .

I took up walking ,the gym , badmington, have done a life guard course and have seized the day , each and every day I find something to do and if my wife doesn't join in then it's her loss ,not mine.

Maybe compromise and have 2 or house days a but every week try something new .

Good luck and enjoy your new life ,you have earned it.
not what you thought
by: Anonymous

Life is very often not what you think it will be. You have to adjust your strategy.

If your husband is content just sitting and napping or watching tv he is is not alone, lots of seniors do that.

But that doesn't mean you have to. take classes (learn something new/do dancing or yoga or other physical class). Meet new people in your neighborhood, from "meetups" or call friends from work. find people to go places and do things with.

You can do it, you are basically finding friends and companions to replace your husband and you can find it very satisfying. good luck.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Anxiety and Depression.