Existential Crisis......
by Partha Purkayastha
(Chennai, India)
Hello,
My name is Partha. I am based in Chennai, in the Southern State of Tamil Nadu in India. Last year, I put in my papers with the intent to hang up my boots.
I was the Managing Director of the Wood Group in India. Wood Group is one of the largest MNCs in the Oil &Gas sector.
It was my plan to work with a tiny boutique firm who specialised in Executive Search, and grow their Management Consulting business, on a relaxed pace to keep me mentally active while I pursued my hobbies.
As things turned out, Wood Group wouldn’t let me go, and I finally conceded to devote 50% of my time to support Wood in a global consultancy role based in India. And devote the balance 50% to this boutique firm.
8 months down the line, I am not really sure as to what I am doing or what my purpose in life is....
I am physically fit at 60. I have hobbies that have fallen by the wayside over the years and it was my intention to get back to all that I missed over my professional career.
My hobbies include playing the guitar (though I haven’t done so in over 25 years), reading and writing, sketching, travel across the world and study multiple cultures, photography, watching musicals and theatre and of course yoga.
I am (and I don’t know why) struggling with the motivation to pick up on my hobbies. I just seem to sit and brood and postpone my “getting on with it”. All of a sudden, an afternoon nap has become all important !!!!
There is this “back of my mind” confusion on whether I should leave my profession behind and focus on a life of leisure or balance the two.
I am not sure as to what my identity is. My co-workers, who I thought were good friends have all moved on and I must admit that it is a situation that I am finding difficult to accept. I can’t really say that my professional acquaintances were my friends.
My two close friends are settled in Kolkata in the Eastern part of India. I do know that I need to move on and I would be most grateful if someone shared how they did - I am sure I am not alone in this process.
My wife of 35 years, who is 62, is a cancer survivor and in good health. She too has her own hobbies which she pursues like there is no tomorrow and I do admire her for her ability to do so..... she is also very self sufficient and content in her own company.
While we have some common interests like travel, musicals, theatre and reading, there are other things that are different - as would be expected.
I intend to stay abreast with the latest developments in my subject of specialisation, but my heart tells me that I should break away from my professional field - fortunately I have no financial concerns- and ardently pursue my hobbies, but my struggle is to come to a landing as to what my purpose in life is...... and lack of the motivation that I spoke about earlier....
I would be, as I said, most grateful for advice. I apologise for my rambling outpouring, but I felt I needed to..
Great to join this community.
With warm regards,
Partha
