Loss of Relationship

by Cathy
(Northeast )

I was in a 30 year marriage with a decent, hard-working man who drank too much and was happy to stay home and work on our house and property in the country - all of the time.

He was satisfied being an introvert and it was like pulling teeth to even get him to go out to eat, forget about vacations. Anywhere I went, I had to go on my own.

As our daughters left home, I knew I couldn't spend the rest of my life that way. I left my husband and found someone who I thought was my soulmate.

He loved to be out there in the world, experiencing new places and things as I did. We had such fun together and clicked in so many ways. Unfortunately, he lived 100 miles away and we were both still working on jobs we could not leave. I also had the care of my elderly mother and my granddaughter.

My boyfriend resented this and held it against me. I guess he wanted me to move to him however I did not want to disrupt my mother and my granddaughter's schooling not to mention my job. We still saw each other every weekend and talked every day but things changed for him over time, not for me.

Fast forward ten years and my mom had passed to heaven and my granddaughter was on her own. I was now free to move to my love however things had changed. He no longer wanted a relationship, other than "friends." His family told me it was not because of anyone else but because he was bitter about waiting so long and feeling cheated out of that time we could have had together. I attempted the "friends" thing but I was frustrated and unhappy and now I've cut off all contact over a year and a half ago.

Sadly, I still miss the companionship and fun we once had. Now that I'm retired, the sadness of not having a significant other is worse.

I have female friends and enjoy some activities and travel occasionally but it's not the same as having someone you love in your life. I also realize that it's much more difficult to find love again the older one gets. Never thought I'd be alone in my retirement.

Comments for Loss of Relationship

Click here to add your own comments

Not Alone
by: Goldie

My dear you are not alone! You will find someone new and I am hoping you will find much happiness!
Loss of Relationship, cont.
by: Cathy, Northeast

Thank you for your comments to my post.

Wee-zer, you asked if I would have done things differently and I can honestly say No, even if it meant the loss of my boyfriend, which it ultimately did.

If I had not stepped up and taken care of my elderly mother and young granddaughter, I would have never forgiven myself. I tried very hard to be with my boyfriend as well however it wasn't enough.

In retrospect, I know I did the right thing. Michael, thanks for your encouraging words saying that yes it is possible to find love or companionship at an older age.

I'm thinking of moving to The Villages, FL, next winter. I understand there is a big variety of activities to choose from and hopefully I will find others who enjoy the same.
Put yourself out there to meet people
by: Michael D. Bell, REALTOR®, Venice Florida

There is always the opportunity to find love. I have several relatives who found partners and companionship after their spouses had passed away.

I think the old ways to find someone still apply - at church, in groups where you share the same interests, at the grocery store. But, today, there are many online websites for personal ads where you can meet someone.

You have to put yourself out there so that people know you are available. If you are open to it, it will happen. In the meantime, continue to strengthen yourself and grow as a person, and that will make you even more attractive to that potential someone.

Good luck!
Loss or relationship
by: Wee-zer

Cathy, Do you think maybe if you had to do it over again you might have done things differently? Seems you did put your boyfriend on the back burner and made him second fiddle.

It is important that you took care of your mom and grandkid but seems somehow you could have done things to bring the boyfriend closer. Maybe you need to look into yourself and see how you would have felt if the situation was reversed.

It is very hard to be pulled in different directions but people do make things work in difficult situations.

Yes, the older we get, the less likely we will find true love.

For the time being try to join some groups with men and women.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Family Matters.