MISTAKE TO RETIRE

by GINA
(OLEAN, NY)

I THINK IT IS A MISTAKE TO RETIRE IF YOU ARE DIVORCED OR WIDOWED !

YOU TAKE YOURSELF INTO ISOLATION, FEEL USELESS, LONELY, INVISIBLE AND DOWN RIGHT LONELY.

MADE THE MISTAKE OF MOVING TO A SMALL COMMUNITY IN WESTERN NY AND QUICKLY FOUND OUT THE PEOPLE HERE DON'T WANT TO MEET AN "OUTSIDER". THEY CAN'T BE BOTHERED AND HAVE THEIR OWN FAMILY AROUND HAVING LIVED HERE ALL THERE LIVES.

I AM NOT AS BRAVE AS I USED TO BE ABOUT STARTING OVER AGAIN. BEEN HERE NINE YEARS, GOD HELP ME !!!! SHIRLEY

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Very Interesting
by: Gina

Durgesh,

Have enjoyed all your informative intellectual emails. Very interesting.

thank you,
Gina
FOR YOU WENDY
by: GINA

THANK YOU WENDY ,

I THINK LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE. I HAD BEEN LISTENING TO THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE THAT TOLD ME AT 75 I SHOULDN'T TRY TO CHANGE ANYTHING.

YOU HAVE ALL WAKENED ME UP!!!!!!

MY GOODNESS, WHAT A DIFFERENCE ATTITUDE CAN MAKE....

THANK YOU ALL....GINA

Wendy: Attitude, I think, is what it's all about... They say you become like your friends, and if you think about it, they will bring you down with them... it's that mentality.

Find Uplifting Friends... they'll bring you UP
with them! Woo Hoo!
FOR DURGESH
by: GINA

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMENTS AND YOU ARE RIGHT. I SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN FAMILIAR TERRITORY. I AM PLANNING A MOVE SOON AND WILL REMEMBER YOUR COMMENTS AND PUT SOME INTO ACTION. THANK YOU DURGESH. YOU HAVE ENERGIZED ME. GINA

Wendy: Woo Hoo! Way to go, Gina!! Not that you are moving, but that you are taking life into your own little "mitts" and going for it.. whatever IT means to you. There are so many options in life, we just gotta figure them out, one by one and TAKE ACTION.

A good retirement life is just around your corner! I just know it!
BEEN DOING THAT ALL OF MYLIFE
by: GINA

TO "MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL" BY ANONYMOUS

I HAVE ALWAYS MADE MYSELF USEFUL AS I HAVE HERE. I TAKE SEVERAL PEOPLE TO THE DOCTOR, FOR GROCERIES, TO LUNCH AND MORE I COOK THEM MANY MEALS. THAT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY MINISTRY ALL MY LIFE. GUESS I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT ME.

GIVING IS BETTER THAN TAKING BUT UNFORTUNATELY THERE ARE TOO MANY TAKERS !
Widowed
by: Anonymous

Don't lose faith in your own strength.

I was widowed a year after retiring, totally unplanned, as is life in general.

I am in the process of moving, something I didn't think I would be able to do alone. I do remember to take help when it is offered, but most of all, I use my anxiety like a tool, I use every bit of helpful knowledge and skills I have, and so far it's working, if a bit bumpy, its going better than expected.

Above all, I have value outside of the status of being a Widow, I need half finished projects to remind me that life goes on,

I find ways to feel alive if I work at it. You can too!!
Retired, make yourself useful...
by: Anonymous

When you retire your life is not just a social round. You can do a great deal in a community that is useful. There are senior clubs, social agencies, etc. where you can get information. Drive the very elderly to appointments etc.; not everyone in that community has family to do this. Visit the sick and lonely. Even smaller communities have food banks etc.
MAN IS TERRITORIAL TOO ....
by: Mr. Durgesh Kumar Srivastava JiBhaiya@gmail.com New Delhi,India

Esteemed Miss Gina,

Thank you for your highly readable post on retirement-online.com. It is thought provoking.

Man has been on this planet a long long time. We changed in the last million years, but retain some of our basic characteristics. We continue to be territorial. We refuse to live in peace with other men (and women) who are even so slightly difference from our homogeneous group ? in the matter of our basic genomes or genes, the colour of our skins or hair, the straightness or crookedness of our hair, the colour and basic design of our eyes, the protrusion and depression of our foreheads, noses and chins, the manner of our speaking, our food habits, our dress codes, our social systems, our education, our incomes and our philosophical attitudes to life.

We divide and subdivide ourselves into ethnic races, nationalities, social and economic groups, groups based upon religion, political ideologies and whom we follow as our idol the way we eat drink and live etc.

Taking retirement was not a mistake. The mistake was going away from your familiar environment and settling down at a new unfamiliar place with unfamiliar folks. You may make just one experiment ? try sleeping in an unfamiliar bed on a normal day.

The trick is to try to convert the unfamiliar into familiar. Find out what differentiates you from your new neighbours. As you narrow the gaps distance will turn into closeness, neglect into friendship.

Let me end this comment with an actual incident.

My next door neighbour and his wife were highly paid officers. Their combined income was probably four or five times my income. They would never talk to me and never respond to my greetings.

They were a working couple with a school going son looked after by a live-in maid servant. One day after the sound of a big crash from inside their house their maid servant came running to me and asked me to come into their drawing room. While playing the neighbour?s son had fallen on to the glass top of a table that had shattered and a glass splinter was lodged in the boy?s chin. I asked the servant who their family doctor was, took the boy to the doctor where the glass shard was removed and stitches put on the wound, and then telephoned his mother.

From that day onwards our neighbourly relations underwent a change. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the couple was very friendly and jovial. They joined in the wedding celebrations of our two sons. They were garden lovers and often presented us with saplings and cut flowers.

However it is best to remember the old adage ? good fences make good neighbours ? and maintain a certain distance and privacy.

Mr. Durgesh Kumar Srivastava JiBhaiya@gmail.com New Delhi India, 21 Sept, 2010

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