Retired: Joy is not so Joyful lately

by Joy
(North Carolina)

I retired 2 years ago from a wonderful 39 year of teaching world history career in public schools. My husband is an art teacher and since he is younger has 2 years to go. We live in the rural area of North Carolina and it is not possible to walk to get coffee and a good newspaper.

Most of our family is in Ohio, and this community here is for family and church. We are not from here and though we have a few friends, we, my husband and I, are each other's best friends.

I loved my career for about 35 years, until teaching changed. I am thankful for those years in education. I hear from many former students on FB. I had to retire due to cancer and treatment for it, but I was ready to go. It took about 2 years for treatment, then one year to rest and now here I am, retired at 63.

My main hobby is reading world history and when my husband is off we travel to Europe. I do some volunteer work at the local Cancer center, love it, work a little at the local library, about 8 hours a week, and try to keep a clean house and cook a little. I find I feel guilty that I am not cleaning out every cabinet and shelf in this house. I have begun to do that since depending on where our daughter settles, we will probably move to be with family back in Ohio. I love snow!

I think patience and acceptance is what I need. I am a spiritual person and believe in a personal Higher Power and I know /feel one day soon enough I will let go of these negative feelings.

When my husband retires in 2 years, we will move to Ohio probably where our only daughter will be living and most of our family lives. But in the meantime I must make a life of my own.

My husband is very supportive and fortunately, as a teacher, he is home by 3:30. OH and I need to exercise more! Thanks for letting me tell someone who might understand.

I have talked to a therapist about this and have thought about getting on meds for a little while, but am trying to just let God tell me what I need to do right now. I might do the meds though. I am not against them. I am cleaning out bit by bit and again I keep a pretty clean home and meals and lunches for work for my husband.

I think I am too hard on myself right now. As in " just what should I be doing Joy"?

Thanks for letting me vent here. I bet there are others who go through the same thing, huh? I have so much for which to be thankful: retirement with pension, a loving daughter, nice cozy home,a loving husband and a few friends.

I am blessed. Just cannot over come this guilt. LOL

Comments for Retired: Joy is not so Joyful lately

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You are not alone.
by: Anonymous

Hello Joy,

I retired voluntarily 7 years ago having been a Head of Department. I struggle with the loss of status and loss of sufficient finances.

I fill my days around the house cleaning and tidying simply to prove to myself that I exist, that I have a purpose in life.

My worries revolve around these financial worries. I spent a lifetime refurbishing and decorating an old farmhouse. My passion. But now it has flaws, damp issues, mould and more recently underground drainage deterioration. I have not got the money to attend to these and would not be able to move to much better given today's property values.

So I question my judgement in devoting my life's labour and finances to this place. It has not provided me with a cushion from life's woes but rather an anchor.

Joy's comment that she is just another retiree and not a teacher anymore resonated with me too.

Moving here to my new husbands hometown 30 years ago I often laughed at how I was introduced as Bob's wife. Then when I had children I was known as Drew's mother or Sarah's mum! Now, without my job no-one can categorise me at all. Even I do not see a role outside the walls of my hone. I know I should not allow a title to define me.

But these are the sorts of things going around in my head every day. Perhaps I think much TOO much!

Good luck Joy. You are not alone. I think you should focus on your house move. Prepare, pack, declutter, sell the excess and be ready to go when the two years are up.

I wish you well.
Thank you Wendy
by: Anonymous

Thanks wendy you are so right.....just needed a little shove over the proverbial hump. Thank you Joy for the page. We can do it Ladies!!!!! Such good support. Ty. Ty. Ty
Retired
by: Peg in Texas

Thank you all for your comments, I have been retired for two years and thought I was loosing my mind.

Yeahhhhh I am normal.

I have always been a strong women and have been feeling so weak and just not caring much lately. You all have made my day, now will work on filling that big hole retirement left in me.

Bless you ladies that have understanding husbands, wish mine were more understanding but then living with an unhappy crab is not easy either.

God bless you all and best wishes.

Wendy: Just gotta say, I love your "yeaaaah, I am normal". Too funny! Yes you are.

That's the part I don't get... how do all these retired folks think everyone else is happy, except them.

Now that you know its simply one more phase in life, you can overcome it and start thinking about your future.

THERE IS MORE LIFE LEFT... just gotta figure out what you'd like to do with it!

Best Wishes!
Guilt
by: Joy

My guilt comes from putting demands on myself.

I feel, notice I said FEEL, I must have a wonderful dinner fixed, be washing walls, dusting, cleaning and making things just perfect around here, for my husband. He has absolutely nothing to do with these crazy standards. HAHA!

If he came home to NO dinner, we would just go out. That is anxiety - worrying about things that are most probably not going to happen.

I know what it is, It is adjusting to a new life. That is all, but I also know one cannot control their feelings , but can learn to control what to do with them. I am getting there.

And I know how fortunate I am. I will not share some things here but God has kept me alive through some very troubling times. I take NOTHING for granted now . I begin my day being thankful for our bed and my floor upon which to stand. I end it the same way.

Thanks for your comments.

Wendy: You are obviously getting there... just one step at a time.

I found this today and liked it:

If you want to be sad, live in the past.
If you want to be anxious, live in the future.
If you want to be peaceful, Live in the NOW.
Thanks for the comments to JOY
by: Anonymous

I appreciate all your comments on my not adjusting to retirement too well story.

Let me say one thing. I KNOW how blessed I am. I have survived 2 bouts with cancer and as I said have a loving family, a pension, volunteering work and all the necessities of life and much MORE.

I am grateful, believe me.

That is why I know I am depressed. I have no reason to feel listless and useless. My husband appreciates all I do around here and never complains.

It is just as I wrote - acceptance that my identity has changed, from THE TEACHER of Russian history, to just another retiree. LOL

It is coming, the peace and acceptance. I know my Higher Power will get me through this part.

But I appreciate all the comments. Nice to be connected to others through this website. Will keep you posted on my acceptance.

I might add that my daughter and husband are very supportive.

NC lady
by: Kathy

Hi Joy,
its me again!! LOL If you wish this is my e-mail grandmakpc at aol.com Love to visit ant talk from time to time. Take care!
Another NC Lady
by: Kathy

Hi Joy,

My heart goes out to you. I feel in many ways the same as you do. My road was very different, but the result in life's long trip is the same.

I know I am blessed in many ways, that is my only real support. I don't know you but send much love and prayers............Hugs, Kathy
Look at those who are less blessed than you ....
by: Retd. Prof. Mr. Durgesh Kumar Srivastava, New Delhi, India.

Dear fellow retiree,

Everyone has his or her own lot to contend with. You have done well so far and your philosophy of patience and acceptance will carry you through the coming decades. A popular Indian sage has a 3 point formula for happiness .... 1. Shraddha (devotion), 2. Saburi (contentment) and 3. Qabool (acceptance). You display all these. Congratulations. I wish I was like you. Best wishes to you. A happy and peaceful life for you is guaranteed.
Guilt?
by: Anonymous

I didn't get what you are feeling guilty about. Keep counting your blessings - you are better off then a lot of retired people, including me.

As for meds - forget them! They may just cause you to age faster and bring new problems, too. Research natural supplements that boost your energy, focus and even help with minor body aches. There is a lot on the Internet about natural health and good supplements etc. Try something that sounds good and if you don't see results in 2 mo. try something else.

How wonderful for you that you have your own Anam Cara - soul friend - in the form of your husband. You are blessed. If you can manage to be with daughter sooner than 2 years, that would be better.
CROCHET~~~CROCHET& SOME MORE
by: Anonymous

HELLO JOY! I KNOW WHAT U R GOING THRU, BEEN THERE. U WILL GET OVER YOUR FEELING OF GUILT AND THE DEPRESSION TOO. *U HAVE A GRT LIFE AHEAD OF YOU, A DAUGHTER , THAT, IS WONDERFUL, A LOVING HUSBAND, A FAMILY & FRIENDS JUST WAITING FOR U TO COME BACK TO YOUR ROOTS.

JUST TAKE IT 1 DAY AT A TIME AND MAYBE GET YOURSELF A SMALL PUPPY THAT WON'T GROW TO BIG AND WALK THE DOG WITH YOUR HUSBAND WHEN HE IS AVAILABLE AND BY YOURSELF TOO AND KEEP FIT**

IF U DON'T DO ANY NEEDLE WORK* KNITTING OR CROCHETING** FIND SOMEONE WHO WILL BE PATIENT WITH U AND LEARN. WHEN U HAVE THOSE NEEDLES OR THE HOOK IN YOUR HAND A WHOLE NEW WORLD OPENS UP FOR YOU, IT IS WONDERFUL & U CAN KEEP WHAT U MAKE OR DONATE TO A FACILITY OF YOUR CHOICE.

YOU CAN DO THIS JOY* IT IS NOT DIFFICULT TO LEARN* GOOD LUCK TO U ***

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