Retired & Lonely

by kiara
(Houston, Texas)


I remember four years ago when I use to watch all the office employees during the rush lunch hour at the farmers market and felt so sad for them and for me, but knowing that I would be retiring soon made my day and made me happy. What a mistake!

Now I would do anything to be one of those that had to run a grab a yogurt and get back to work because of the load of work waiting for you.

I think I am still sad and it has been 4 years.

Volunteerism, boating and traveling has helped me to cope with retirement since I love to travel. Also dancing zumba and line dance at the senior center has given me more joy since one of my biggest passion is dancing.

Since I moved near Houston and I do not enjoy driving to the City, and it was hard for me to get a job in the City I live and I quit looking.

I remember those days in Puerto Rico when I could choose where and in what law firm I was going to work. It had to be a luxurious office and it had to be a good compensation with all the benefits and it had to be with my requirements. Nowadays I would settle for a metal desk in a little cubby hole, hahahha! Such is life.

I am still grateful for the lessons learned, the best opportunities of working I had during my life with the best people you can ever imagine.

Comments for Retired & Lonely

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Retired and lonely
by: Ken / Chicago

Two years ago, I got 2 cancers and paraneoplastic syndrome, which resulted in my early retirement. Also dealing with depression. All of my friends work. I’ve tried being a volunteer at 2 hospitals. I try to stay busy, but it’s difficult to do all day, and by myself. It would be great to find someone to do stuff together. I actually looked into Friends.com. There were no matches for my age group. Lol. (I’m 63) Any suggestions?
-Ken
Lonely and married
by: dfw texas

Hello,

I have been retired for over 15 years when I remarried my second spouse. My spouse is a workaholic and an iphone junkie.

I am 69 years old, all my children are out of the house. My son just moved out of the country with 5 grandchildren so that hasn't helped the situation.

I would like to chat with penpals who are in the same situation as I am. I have lots of stories over the years to share. I have no friends at this time where I live because most are married and do and go places with their spouses.

My spouse is a recluse likes to stay home and not socialize anymore.
5 months retired now, what next?
by: Red - NC

I just retired earlier this year (2019). and I so looked forward to this, yet I feel lonely as many of you have shared also. I never expected that.

My wife still works, and will not be able to retire for another 4 years. So, what to do that will fill my emptiness?

I don't feel hopeless, and I have been researching for things to do. But alone all day is not good, for anyone (although some people claim it is).

I still feel young and energetic. I think it would be good if I could find a group of retirees that meets weekly or something.
Sad and Lonely Looking to make new friends.
by: Kathy Dunham

I live in Cypress Texas. Wanting to make some new friends. I am married to a workaholic. So he is not home much. And I feel loss.
I’m lonely too
by: Glo

I was forced to retire early because my boss decided to eliminate my role to eliminate me. Life is so unfair. I’m only 53 and not ready to retire yet. I feel so lonely and depressed. I miss my job , the office, my lunch buddies and friends at work. I used to be very busy at work and now suddenly there is nothing to do, no deadlines , etc. So, this is what retirement is, boring and lonely.. I wish I can be happy again like the good old days.
Retired after 39 years
by: G in NP

I have moments of feeling lonely, but like someone wrote, it worries me sometimes when I don't because I am alone quite a bit since I retire about a year and a half ago.

I got a part time job and it was ok for a bit, then I started asking myself why I was working - not for the money, not for personal growth, and the people (small office of 5) were not exactly fulfilling any social need. So, I quit. I want to use my experience and education...but not do a 9-5. Age discrimination in job seeking is real.

I volunteer, but it doesn't give me the satisfaction I thought it would...not sure why?

I have a boyfriend (fiancé) that I see on the weekends...talk to him daily. Not sure I even want to get married...at my age (61)?

Anyway...I wanted to say I get you all...I think I'm all over the place...interesting time in my life...never been here before, so scattered.
Retirement, what now?
by: Anonymous

I feel I was also pushed out for age. I've been out of the workforce for 2 years and am still striving to find purpose. I've tried many things since in order to keep busy but, none yet have fulfilled a purpose for me. I do travel a bit with friends and camp quite a lot during summer but, winter is 5 months here. I should add tgat health has kept me from returning to work and the majority of my close friends still work. It is a lonely existence.
Retired and ohhh sooo busy !
by: Viviane UK

I love that I don't need to work anymore. My children are grown and gone now, I have been widowed for many many years, so when my youngest left I decided to pre-empt any feeling of loneliness but being pro-active.

I now run two Meetup groups and trust me that keeps me busy, but I get to meet lots of lovely people. And I also started Cross Stitch retreats, 3 yrs on I have had to do more of those and I average about 5 a year, each lasting a week. Great fun.

My kids know that they have to 'book' me for visits haha.
Certainly Understand What You Are Going Through
by: Debbie

I've been retired for 5 years but my husband is still working.

Although I am not alone, I clearly miss the sense of purpose and engagement that I had when I worked. I so feel the way you do and so understand the challenges you are facing.

I constantly yearned for more free time and now I realize my work actually gave me interpersonal satisfaction and kept me busy and active. I think much of my identity was tied to my job and now it seems I am constantly searching for a new way to define myself which is of course silly.

I'm so glad you were honest with your thoughts and feelings because I was beginning to think I must be crazy.
Me too... life is so boring
by: Anna Houston

Being retired is not what it was because we live longer, we have less money, and there is too much electronic gadgets.

I was a legal assistant, had so much to do and loved it; looking forward to weekends to do what I do not feel like doing during the week.

Now I am boring and everyone else bores me. I am full of energy, walk about 12 miles every day, love to write, do some watercolors, but, as I say: I am bored and boring.
Me, too!
by: Doris, SC

I feel your pain - two and a half years out and I am still lonely.

I too worked for a major global law firm and I miss the people. I am single and most retirees are married. Most single women have to keep working. Hate retirement.

I moved from NYC to SC and while I would not go back to NYC I do not like it here or retirement. I bought a small mobile home with the intention of traveling and meeting other people. Might do a cross country trip and just take pictures.

Anyway, house goes on the market next spring and I am outta here - I need more walkability, energy and people. I have to find my way - this is not it for me.

Wendy: Doris, please write to me...
Response to: Retired & Lonely
by: Ken San Diego

I thought my part time job with at my friend's company was going to last, until I said "I quit" but as things happen, they decided to move the company to Texas (I live in San Diego CA) I didn't need the $$$ and was only working part time... so I said I'm RETIRED (Aug 11, 2016 1:03PM) ;-)

Now I just want to be free to do whatever I want and travel, spur of the moment train trips for lunch, dinner etc. sleep in, stay up late, etc. and no one telling me... "you have to get to bed, you have to WORK tomorrow! "

WORK is now the four letter word I don't want to hear! (and not even the OTHER 4 letter word!!!)
So sorry you are lonely, Kiara!
by: Elisa

Hi Kiara. I would like to offer you some positive words and hope that your loneliness subsides. Four years seems a long time to feel lonely.

I retired a year and a half ago and I have the opposite problem. I am not at all lonely. I enjoy my own company and don't miss people at all! In fact, I often wonder if there is something wrong with me for not feeling more lonely. : )

It sounds like you are striving to keep busy. That's a good thing. Perhaps you can take some adult education courses, learn a new language or write your memoirs? Don't give up. Contentment will come. Don't dwell on the past, instead start make new memories.
Lonely too
by: Karen

I retired a month ago. My husband is still working for another year. I have things I could do but I miss people! He works a lot at home so even though he's here, I miss a connection. Hoping I can find my niche.
New Friend
by: Goldie

Hi Kiara,

Your story sounds very familiar.
Would you like to become penpals? We can keep each other company as we explore our new life situation. I would be delighted to exchange messages with you. When you respond to this message I will post my email.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Goldie
Metal Desk
by: Joe W.

Kiara,

Hi! I think that 4-Years is a along time to be sad and still looking in your rear end mirror. It all comes down to finding your passion, getting a personalized work plan and enjoying the fruits of your new labor.

I think that a metal desk in a cubbyhole at home is probably a good start to find out what you really want to do in your retirement life. From this step it's assessing your skills, interests, knowledge and resources to find yourself a meaningful option to work on.

Joe W.
Seniorpreneur

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