Retired RN: depression

I was an RN for almost 30 years, I retired a year ago. My wife said she would love to have me home. I also had medical problem that would have made me retire soon anyway.

My wife of 37 years decided to leave Because she feels im too negative now. I gave people chemo therapy for last 18 years and I am also a cancer survivor. I actually felt like killing myself but I decided I didnt survive cancer for that.

My youngest daughter is also having my first grandbaby so I guess I'll focus on that.

PS I do love the wife with all my heart but she wants to--her words "start her life over" - she is 59, im 64 she is a nursing professor with graves disease that I know affects her brain but just decided to let her go. Maybe she will find happiness.

Comments for Retired RN: depression

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Depression
by: Sherry/ NC

Yes, you let your wife go because you love her enough to want her to be happy. You are an unselfish person.
I hope you find someone to be happy with someday too.

Retirement can be mean to us, but it is up to us to keep on going and doing our best in life. Get involved with volunteer work and you will make new friends. We can all learn from one another.

Good luck to you and thank you very much for being a nurse and caring for others.
I Feel Your Pain
by: Canadian Retiree

Hi I can imagine how you feel. I survived breast cancer and retired after my chemo and radiation treatments ended. I had intended to return to work for at least one more year but was exhausted from the radiation. I ended up retiring a year sooner than I planned.

It’s been a rough year. My poor husband felt like divorcing me last year because I was a basket case. I ended up needing psychiatric help and meds. I’m better now but like many here feel lost. I felt suicidal too but as you pointed out after surviving cancer it would be stupid.

It’s one day at a time now and I am doing better but I still
miss working and have to keep the peace at home as my hubby is retired and not well. He had a heart attack during my cancer treatments.

It’s not fair to him to be so down. I try but it’s a battle.

Hang in there.
Take a deep breath!
by: Wee-zer

Retired RN, you are going thru a lot but please take some deep breaths! You are to be commended on your long career as a nurse. It is a very hard job and I am sure you have helped a lot of people during dark times. Now is time to take care of yourself!

Your wife may be going thru a mid life crisis and it is adding to your anxiety. Let her spread her wings. Is there any chance she can be with you if you both work on your issues? If you are too negative, which you might just be, can you start working on a program to eliminate your negative nature?

Start reading some books on positive things. Fill your day with joy. You soon will have a grandchild which should be fun and to see the world thru the eyes of a child should help you evolve into a more positive person.

Maybe you could contact your local Senior Center and ask if you could volunteer to help people navigate medical issues. Or maybe you could do a blood pressure clinic every week. Work setting up flu clinics.

Give some informational speeches on health issues like arthritis, heart disease, cancer, respiratory disease, Alzheimer's, osteoporosis, diabetes, influenza-pneumonia-shingle shots, falls, hearing, glaucoma, obesity, depression, oral health, substance abuse. If you are not well versed on some of this subject matter maybe you could organize some experts to come in and speak.

Start working on yourself in a positive direction and things will work out for you. If your wife decides to leave, you can still be friends. If she sees your negative nature gone, she might just fall in love with you all over again.

Before you both give up on marriage, I would hope you would seek out marriage therapy as a last ditch effort.

Retirement is not easy. We have all had to adjust to change. Please take some deep breaths and work on yourself. You have been an angel to many and it is your time to be an angel to yourself!

Best wishes to your improved retirement.
It's not over yet
by: Terry/PIttsburgh

I'm so sorry to hear that your wife of 37 years has decided to leave the marriage. That must be so hard especially after you have retired and don't have your work and work family to help sustain you.

I hope you can find solace in your children and grandchildren and in knowing that you helped so many people over the years you were a nurse. You have left a legacy of caring.

You can start over too, if you like. The rest of your life can be an exploration of you- an adventure you never had time for until retirement. For example, with your skills, I could see you doing medical mission work.

Be encouraged! You have a lot to offer the world.

home staying RN
by: Anonymous

You have many talents you could use for one or two at home clients. Also there are plenty of healthy women in their sixties and seventies who would be glad to be a friend and companion. Look at the bright side and a grandpa! how exciting. Good Luck
Much of your story is normal!
by: Junebug in Wisconsin

I believe many people lose a bit of themselves when they retire. Our identities are often tied to our work. Give yourself time to relax and see the future...it took me a full year to start enjoying my freedom. If your wife wants to go..let her.

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