Retirement Humor Roasts

Looking for good Retirement Humor Roasts?

First, here is one video of a funny retirement roast to get some ideas from. This is a good one... it's not a nasty roast, but adds lots of humor to the Retirement Party!

Ralph is "squeaky clean" and so is this video!


HELP for your Retirement Roast 

Amazon links, just click on any, if interested. Just takes one great idea to  help you with a few great pokes for your roast!

Where to start your Roast Talk? Here!

Wonder what you might do with these?

"You’re So Varicose Vein" by Carly Simon

"How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?" by BeeGees

"I Can’t See Clearly Now" by Johnny Nash

"These Boots Give Me Arthritis" by Nancy Sinatra

"I Get By with a Little Help from Depends" by Beatles

"Talking ‘Bout My Medication" by the Who

"Bald Thing" by the Troggs

"I Heard It through the Grape Nuts" by Marvin Gaye 

Second, you might personalize this one and make it your roast! Print it out, add or delete as necessary, and you are good to go! Simplicity!  Just having fun!

They say age is nothing but a number, but in the case of *retiree name*, it is a rather large number to be sure. His/her service to this company could be traced back for years, however he/she has made sure that most of the witnesses are not available.

His/her retirement means a loss for us all; a loss of expertise, a loss of experience, a loss of being constantly reminded of how things used to be done, or how much better things used to be.

Come to think of it, are we really losing his/her services, or gaining?

But the point of this roast, indeed any roast, is not to simply make fun of *retiree name*, but to show our affection and appreciation for all his/her hard work and effort over the years.

And try as we might, we have been unable to find anyone who could actually attest to any hard work or effort on *retiree name* part, so if you know of any, please let us know now.

(Pause)

I will take your silence to mean you are not aware of any, either.

Let us not dwell on *retiree name* past, let us look to his/her future. A future of not coming to work day in and day out. Of staying at home, maybe fishing or golfing. Of relaxing without any concern from one day to the next about work.

I suppose if that is the definition, *retiree name* has been “retired” for several years now, yes?

But seriously, retirement does not mean the end of a fun, active life for *retiree name*, he/she never had one in the first place so how can you lose what you do not have to start?

All in all, retirement will mean *retiree name* has the benefit of his/her years, the wisdom of learning from past mistakes, and with the possible onset of senility, the ability to relive and repeat them all!