Senior Wit

by Wendy, Retirement Enthusiast/Coach

This is copied from an email I received. Just had to pass along!

1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

2. Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

3. You know that "thingy" little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

4. I decided to stop calling the bathroom the "John" and renamed it the "Jim" I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.

5. Old age is coming at a really bad time. When I was a child I thought "nap time" was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it feels like a small vacation.

6. The biggest lie I tell myself is..."I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

7. I don't have gray hair; I have "wisdom highlights." I'm just very wise.

8. -- Deleted as I didn't like it! :)

9 If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have placed them on my knees, or made my arms a lot longer.

10. Why do I have to press one for English when you're just going to transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

11. Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

12. At my age, "getting lucky" means walking into a room and actually remembering what I came in there for.

13. I am what is called a "seenager" (senior teenager). I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. I don't have to go to school or work. I get an allowance every month. I have my own pad I don't have a curfew. I have a driver's license and my own car. I have an ID that gets me into bars and the whiskey store. The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant.

14. Life is great. I have more friends whom I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.

15. Glasses came first, then implants (teeth), followed by hearing aids, then cataract surgery, now a heart pacer and stents---all those insurance payments are finally beginning to pay off!

16. Gadgets are wonderful, used to be you could dial a number and talk to a person, now a computer gives you your fortune, or something. . .

Comments for Senior Wit

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And a couple more
by: Steve, Philadelphia PA

On a "better late than never" basis, here are a couple seen on the Web recently:

1 - "Today I walked into a room and actually remembered what I'd gone in for. OK, so it was the bathroom, but it's a start."

2 - "There's no point in telling me to act my age. How would I know how to, when I've never been this old before?"

#2 works for all ages, but seems especially appropriate for those of us who have grown out of that awful "being young" malarkey. ;-)
Yep, youth is definitely wasted on the young!
by: Jaytee/Bergen County NJ

Hi Sherry,

I received the very same email this week and laughed my butt off...if only. Forwarded it to several senior friends with the following suggestion.

"Before reading, have a big box of tissues and some Depends handy. I promise you will laugh til you cry and simultaneously pee in your pants!"
13
by: Anonymous

13 is so good; the allowance in particular.
Senior Wit
by: Sherry/ NC

I love the Senior Wit, Wendy. All of the sayings are funny. I laughed out loud!

Thank you

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