Should I Stay or Should I go......
by Teresa
(WI)
I'm 73, thought I retired in 2005 only to find out not enough money coming in, and definitely not enough in savings.
I never had a career but ended up working 50 years. Like many of my generation college education was not an option, started working at 15 with a work permit, changed jobs as needed for better opportunities (more pay).
Some choices were better than others, married at 18, 4 children, divorced at 42 left penniless, had to start over once again, worked through it all.
With a miracle I landed my current position 9 years ago, started out 3 days every 2 weeks, within a year I was working 4 days a week, a blessing.
In the mean time the stock mark took a nose dive, lost a lot of my savings, then my house burned down and I had to move, took out a new mortgage at 70, not big, but enough.
Through all of that I never had to touch my savings thanks to having this job, plus collecting social security and a small pension, I finally found out how nice it is to live the good life or as close to it as I ever got.
Now I'm down to working 5 days a month. At first it was crazy, I didn't know what to do with myself, didn't have the money to do a lot of things on my list, physical limitations, health issues crossed off another pile of things I can no longer do.
It is disappointing to get to be this age and find out you are not once what you were, looks gone, money is always an issue, health is an issue and on top of that I feel darn lazy, wasting my days away, drifting all over the road, some what concerned about my lack of interest in life but not entirely.
The sad parts are so many of my friends passed while I was too busy working to do things with them, thinking I'd have plenty of opportunities to play once I got to retire which took much longer than I could ever imagine. Wendy Comment: It happens.. had to bold it here so others think about this...
Now there is hardly anyone left, so many have already passed, some got married, hang out with other married people, and a few have moved warmer climates, a few have a lot more money which leaves me feeling out of the loop.
I always knew but never fully understood what it means to live now, you can't keep putting things off for years and years because one day you wake up realizing you missed the boat, friends are gone, you didn't get rich, kids are gone and too busy for their parents, plus they would love for me to get my own life and stay out of theirs, health issues do not go away or improve as they did when I was younger.
At times I feel like I wasted my whole life, get a little panicky I'll be gone before I figure out how to live.
Now we are back into winter, I don't go out much, don't care much for driving or walking on snow covered ice ruts, I thought about moving to a southern state a few years ago but scratched that idea, would miss the kids, what if I got sick, I wouldn't know a soul, where do you go for extra care, have to start all over meeting people, buy another home, find a handy man that I can afford (easier said than done, and one I can trust) and I'm not as social as I once was.
Then I decided to get a pet, but want an older pet, keep getting turned down by the rescue organizations, I was told I'm too old to have a pet, if I want to adopt a pet it has to be over 10 years old, and they really would like me to consider special needs pets.
I don't think a dog cares how old their human is, they just want to be adopted in to a good home, I don't have a ton of money so adopting a special needs dog or a much older dog will not fit into my budget. Scratched that idea and move on to something else.
Problem is I can't find my passion, or my niche, and I'm so tired of being house bound and freezing 23 hours a day.
Once again I'm thinking of selling everything, moving to a state that is warm year round, I want to get a dog and I'll buy one from a breeder if I have to. A friend let me know a month ago she has a fast growing cancer, at this time she is not longer accepting visitors, her family said she's close to the end, the panic is stuck in my throat, it could be me, and I have not made one worthwhile move to start living.
Anyone want to share their thoughts, suggestions, advice, I'm willing to listen and ponder.
Up to this point I've heard my kids tell me to do what ever I want because my years are limited, maybe 10 or less, you never know, some friends have said the same thing.
The lady who does my taxes told me I could take a little money out of the bank each year now to live it up, or buy something special - what I want to hear is what people my age have to say about my on going "should I go or should I stay".
I did try a little counseling, she was so young I don't think she got what I was fussing about.
